This is not about mothering…

… except that it is about the world into which I have brought one child and will bring another.

Sometimes the world clobbers you with stories and ideas along the same theme. Sometimes you can’t help but sit down and wonder why. The day we came back from England, I learned about Robin Williams and Kevin Ward Jr. Today it was Lauren Bacall and Michael Brown. Today the main character in the novel I’ve been reading (Woolf’s The Voyage Out) was struck down by an unexpected fever, and tragedy struck in Gaza on the West Wing episode I watched with my husband, multiple killed and injured. An online mom group I’m a part of is having a mini spat about politics, not about specific issues but more about whether we want to invite discussion of political issues into our group. I have the unshakable feeling that the universe is trying to say something, but I haven’t processed enough to know what, yet, exactly.

And then there’s this, too, which feels linked all the same, an article on the values of our current culture and what that means for us as individuals, on the way that a market-driven free economy is not “free” or fair.

Maybe it’s all just coincidence. Maybe it’s just life, thousands upon thousands of people dying every day on this planet, even if we don’t notice a vast majority of them.

I feel like I ought to be paying closer attention. I feel like I don’t have nearly enough time or focus to sort through the galaxies of “information” available to me in order to really know what’s going on, what can be helped and how. Does this make spending time with my husband and son, meeting with friends, taking time to run by myself more or less important? What does all of this being human stuff mean? 

I miss college. I miss being not only encouraged but required to dig more deeply and think through more thoroughly all of these ideas. I miss the community of people with whom I could discuss it all, in person, over coffee or at parties or in class. I have trouble maintaining the steam to press on all by myself, when there are dishes to wash and bills to pay and a toddler to eye and a baby to grow.

 

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